Secrets to Getting Lucky

I was hanging out with my kid the other day (he is ten, by the way) and the topic of luck came up. He asked why some people are luckier than others and why he was not “lucky” sometimes. I did not just want to say that luck just happens or that if you wish or hope that you might get lucky…I needed something fatherly, I needed something I could use as an example, I needed to not underestimate the opportunity I had in front of me. At ten he still holds me in high regard (he is not a teenager, yet), so I needed something inspirational and applicable. I quickly reflected on my life and the things I have accomplished, things that have seemingly came out of nowhere, and opportunities that stretched me further than I ever would have thought possible, and quickly realized that the so called luck in my life or things that could be perceived as “lucky” was not just about being in the right place at the right time. It was not about riding coattails. My luck had more to do with my relentless pursuit of learning, a curiosity about countless subjects, a strong work ethic that I was taught as a boy, the ability to do things independently, and having wheels-in-motion around a couple of different things at a time. I told my son stories of what appeared to be luck from opportunities that I was given. I have been engaged to write articles for various publications, asked to be a speaker at a conference, and to contribute to a television show episode. I became interested in writing and actually published a book about a topic I became curious about, I make myself vulnerable in writing songs and making them available on various music sites, and I have started building guitars. I have also achieved a level of success in a profession by taking action and having mentors take an interest in my direction. All of these things came from something. Something always comes from something, so the wheels I had set in motion became “luck” and the wheels I set in motion today may morph into “luck” tomorrow. I explained that it all comes from actually doing something before things actually happened. That something is work. I told Caleb that just plain/dumb luck does happen, but you can’t wait for or expect it to happen. It is the exception and not the rule that sometimes “luck” just happens. I also explained the other side of luck “just happening” and that if he worked hard and multiplied that action in a couple of different areas that he would have a much greater chance at “luck”. Luck does not come from hoping or wishing or being envious or jealous, it comes from taking action and that action morphing into an opportunity. Sometimes that “luck” may be what you expected or something you didn’t see coming, but nonetheless comes from having wheels-in-motion. I continued that hard work doesn’t always pay off, or at least not in the ways that you might expect, but not working seldom, if ever, pays off.

When I thought I was wrapping up this conversation and wondering if what I said may have been sinking into Caleb’s head a repeat episode of VH1’s Behind the Music came on. The band that was featured in this particular episode isn’t all that important for the sake of this teachable moment. He asked me what their story was and I explained their specific story as it played on in the background. I wrapped much of this band’s story into the common theme behind many famous or popular bands/musicians. Most popular bands/musicians have a back-story and had many wheels-in-motion that contributed to their luck and that their success was not found by sitting on their couch hoping they would be discovered. They did things. Those things might have been playing terrible venues and countless dive bars, writing songs for other people, being a backup or studio musician while working a “day job”, and/or joining an established band and creating something new while surviving on ramen noodles. I think I was able to get my point across from my experiences and extrapolate my experiences to those of famous musicians and make Caleb realize that in order to be lucky or have things come his way that he needed to work and find passions and embrace whatever comes from this work.

My final words to Caleb were to not assume that those that looked “lucky” didn’t work for it or didn’t deserve it. I told him that everyone that I knew, either my co-workers or friends outside of work, worked hard and had put in the effort to Get Lucky.

I have had a couple of days now to reflect on the conversation I had with Caleb and it does appear to be true more often than not, that one thing leads to another. If this is true, then many things can lead to many things and what seems like a streak of good luck is typically set in motion by that ‘one thing’. It is almost a given that those that are lucky were open to saying ‘yes’ to something outside of their comfort zone, they always expected more of themselves than anyone else, they embraced vulnerability, and weren’t afraid to go it alone and stick themselves out there. Plant many seeds of luck! …and Get Lucky!

 

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In This Day and Age – Humanity First

In this day and age, 2017, how can anyone or any group justify marginalizing a human being? Before race, nationality, sexual preference, gender identity, political affiliation, political spectrum position, belief systems, or where someone was born or calls home you first are a part of humanity.

We are human beings first and foremost and have common threads that runs through us…seeking happiness, love, and most importantly, a life that allows us to be who we are at any given moment…obviously without hurting anyone else or interfering with someone else’s pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness.

Although there are many bigots in full view, certain groups seem to be making some of the loudest noises in the U.S. about what is acceptable and not acceptable and whether or not something is sinful. I can’t really comprehend how anyone with a heart and conscience can turn their back on a fellow human because of some belief system that should not supersede us all being brothers and sisters.

We are all equal.

If you are associated with any religious, nationalist, racist, or other equally terrible organization that marginalizes a human being, regardless of whether you hold the bigoted position that the group you belong holds, you are part of the problem. Silence equals acceptance and your acceptance makes you complicit.

You don’t have to agree with a particular lifestyle of someone else. You may even have prejudices based on preconceived notions. However, don’t stand in the way of others because of your issues. If you are going to insist on not helping someone because they are different than you, the least you can do is cause no harm.

You are either part of divisiveness or inclusiveness, hate or love, inequality or respect. You are certainly free to choose whether you are a shitty person, but it is by no means acceptable and no one has the right to remove dignity, self-worth, and self-love from another. Those that stand with divisive, bigoted, or intolerant people or groups are not only on the wrong side of history, they are not representative of what being here with fellow brothers and sisters is about.

Finding Religion For The Sake Of My Son by David Kearney @ TheBookPatch.com

This book explores a spiritual journey in life as the author comes to religion while teaching his son Caleb about morality and how to live life. While sharing the lessons he gained from being raised by his parents, David passes on the importance of “apply[ing] love, persistence, and perseverance wherever you are in life” to Caleb. Through his first 44 years of life, David had no formal religious education besides the casual encounters he had with different faiths throughout life. When Caleb’s mother began to get reacquainted with the Church, David began researching faith. David shares his unique adaption of faith over the last two years and his new-found spiritual beliefs with the reader.

“I wrote this book for my son as something to pass on as part of my legacy to him. But, not only is this book much more than a book about a single experience, it is a way to approach thinking, analyzing, and coming to conclusions. It is a way to living life and a way to be the best you can be. It is a memorialization of a search, an incorporation of lessons learned, and the conclusion of a path chosen. This book contains ideas and stories about how to consider feelings, beliefs, and wisdom of others, but not lose yourself in the process. This is applicable to everyone. We all need to understand that we need to consider others’ thoughts, opinions, feelings, wisdom, and beliefs, but think independently, walk independently, and speak independently. Regardless of whether or not you are religious or curious about religion, this is a good lesson for everyone.

It’s amazing how one thing leads to another and how sometimes the puzzle pieces actually come together to build an image that wasn’t expected.”
Source: Finding Religion For The Sake Of My Son by David Kearney : $7.99 : 9781946447302 : TheBookPatch.com.

Amazon Kindle Edition $2.99

 

 

Invest in Yourself…With Lynda

At the end of every year I look for opportunities to invest in myself to enhance my professional skills and increase my potential. It is said that the best investment that you can make is in yourself and I have lived by that mantra for most of my professional life. Over the years I have taken courses, studied for and earned technical and non-technical certifications, and joined a public speaking and leadership organization to become more valuable to my employer. I believe that it is important to constantly learn, regardless of whether or not your employer fully assists, partially supports, or doesn’t contribute at all to your professional improvement. Although it certainly helps if your employer provides financial support, time off, or some other form of return on investment, it shouldn’t be the single motivating factor for improving yourself with updated or new skills.

As 2015 winds down, I was evaluating educational opportunities for 2016, including a return to a traditional college setting, on-line college courses, and possibly attending a technical school to enhance my technical chops. I have recently been very interested in accounting and marketing topics (which I really haven’t seen since my traditional college days many years ago), so I was considering taking local accounting and marketing workshops and classes as they became available. With the high expense of college and not being settled on pursuing a PhD (I have played with this idea for many, many years), another Master’s Degree, and not necessarily set on which technical skills I wanted to chase, I came across Lynda.com in my research.

Lynda.com is an award-winning provider of educational materials, including the Lynda.com library with over 4,050 online courses (more than 301,000 video tutorials): An online education company offering thousands of video courses in software, creative, and business skills.

During my research I found that Lynda.com could help me pursue most of my educational goals, until I decide to pursue that PhD or second M.S. degree, for a price that was affordable and a resource I could take advantage of in my schedule. After hemming and hawing over this decision for a couple of weeks and trying, but unable, to find someone that utilized Lynda.com to help me make a decision, I received a promotional E-Mail to subscribe for a year to Lynda.com for $287.00 (regularly $359.88). This price certainly helped in my decision making process. I signed up. Within a few days I had taken a couple of courses, including accounting and marketing related courses. Additionally, I took a course on utilizing Garage Band (I am a wanna-be songwriter, rock star, musician). All of the courses I took, so far, were high quality, very useful, and I could apply something I learned in every course to my day-to-day professional life. If I would have purchased books or took a course/series of classes on these topics I would have certainly exceeded the $287.00 I spent on the annual Lynda.com membership…and I am only 8 classes and 2 weeks into my membership. In my case, Lynda.com is less than a dollar a day and as long as I regularly attend courses, Lynda.com will certainly pay for itself with my enhanced and new skills. If you are considering enhancing your current skills or learning new ones, I would encourage you to look at Lynda.com…it’s affordable, available online and offline, and can be utilized on your schedule and on your device. Additionally, at least half of the sessions included downloadable “hand-outs” and one included testing during the course sections to reinforce the topics covered. One cool feature that I really like, but is outside of the educational courses, is that it can be linked to your LinkedIn account and will display your course completions on your profile in the Certifications area…a great way to keep track of and show your accomplishments.

If nothing else, be sure to constantly invest in yourself to help you and your employer. You now know someone that has taken advantage of Lynda.com, so don’t feel as skeptical as I was initially by not knowing the quality of sessions available or not knowing anyone that utilized Lynda.com.

Again…invest in yourself.

In Your Skin

In Your Skin

When we were born, some of us were told “You can be whatever you want to be” or even better “Just be yourself”. On the other hand we’re told about tradition…what to believe, how to believe, what is “right” and what is “wrong”. When we start to walk and talk…it’s cute, but soon enough we are told to sit down and shut up.

When a boy says he wants to be a race car driver or a girl says she wants to be a cheerleader at age 6…it’s really cute. Then these same children are indoctrinated into the tradition of “normalcy”. The independence that a child shows early on, the artistry that is shown, the thought process and logic that the child shows independently, and the child that plays differently than other kids typically gets beaten into submission.

Then…here we are. We do the same things we have always done, generally the same way our family has done…generation after generation. Perhaps there is some comfort in that, perhaps we are afraid to rock the boat, maybe we know no other way.   Some of us, if we are reflective, begin to question why we do these things and repeat history. It is nearly impossible to feel at home in our own skin when we are constantly barraged by ways we should act, think, and feel by the media, the masses, friends and family…we are put down or worse, shunned, by family members and so-called friends for unorthodox ways. I have been there…the black sheep, the one that makes people frustrated when I didn’t agree with following the road, but creating my own path…or at least trying to. Yes, I buck the system…because who says the system is right.

Whether or not this way is good or bad, at a young age I began to question what we do as the majority…we vote republican or democrat, we worship similar (if not the same) gods, we celebrate birthdays, holidays, the “Hallmark Day” holidays and have special months for a cause…primarily due to tradition…we don’t dare to move outside of the box…we don’t dare open our trap. The box is where the majority sits.  How can the majority be wrong?  How can what I have done since I was born be questioned?

Have you ever seen a crazy popular movie where the hype was far greater than the movie itself? Ever eat somewhere that everyone raves over to go away feeling unsatisfied with a meal that didn’t even come close to hitting the spot? Have you ever listened to a crazy popular band, The Beatles, N’ Sync, One Direction and wondered what all the hype was about? That feeling…that’s what I am talking about here…the place where you are marching to a different drummer

I have a feeling that I am not alone here.

But, what I can tell you…it can be a lonely road at times…to not be in “The-in-Crowd”, to have an event, individual, or object that everyone gets so happy over or celebrates be so anticlimactic. One that fills people up with overwhelming joy but yet leaves you empty.  I am not talking about depression or some other mental health issue, which is a different beast altogether, but a feeling that disagrees with what everyone else seems to carry with great happiness, joy, and excitement.

If you feel like a stranger in a strange land, I am here to tell you today…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  But, you are not your parents, your friends, or your spouse. You are unique…you are your own mind, body, and soul.  You have to become comfortable in your own skin and in your own head with how you live your life.

 

I was speaking with a neighbor one day and we ended up talking about the recent Supreme Court’s ruling on marriage…though not quite sure how in the world we got on this topic.  This neighbor was telling me that the show Modern Family was on TV and his grandson noticed that 2 men were kissing on the show and asked him why? The neighbor seemed somewhat offended by the show and wondered what he was to tell his grandson. My response to him was, my approach to my son is and would continue to be that my job in raising my son is to give him enough comfort in himself to be his own man…to make sure that whatever conclusions my son comes to about anything…that he is comfortable in his own skin, regardless if that decision is counter to me, his mother, society, or whoever might hold a differing opinion. I am not going to be able, nor do I want to, to mold him in such a way that he believes what I believe just because I believe it.

The reason I told you that story is that how we become who we are, for better or worse, is due in large part to what society, family, friends deem to be “normal” and what people think about the skin we are in. Believe this, not that; Do this, not that; Work here, not there; Love this, not that, Buy this, not that; All of this is really a contradiction to Being Whatever You Want To Be and Just Being Yourself.

Unfortunately, I have witnessed people that have to be around other people constantly…and are seemingly never comfortable alone.  I see people that would rather follow the crowd because it is less painful and makes them feel like they are a part of something rather than become a bigger part of themselves.  I have known people that are so mean to themselves and just miserable because they don’t see in themselves the beauty that others see.

In these cases, loneliness or being uncomfortable with one’s self contributes to discomfort and discord in their own skin.

How can we become comfortable in our own skin when a major conflict exists when we compare ourselves to others? Therein lies a problem…a HUGE problem.

Conclusion

If you feel trapped, confused, or just plain out-of-place…I am pleading with you to reflect and come to terms with who you are and get to understand and like the skin you are in. If you feel that you are Out-of-Place…who is it with…those externally or is it something internally? Like the skin you are in by understanding what makes YOU tick, gets YOU excited, what YOUR likes and dislikes are. There is no magical solution and I can’t give you a Top 10 list of how to like yourself or to be comfortable in your own skin…everyone is different. What has worked for me probably won’t work for you. I have been able to break free from the expectations of liking sports, following a religion, disliking certain types of music, having certain types of friends, succumbing to peer pressure, and following a more traditional life path. It took many years of getting to know and respect the skin I am in. What I can tell you is, first and foremost, that this investment to get comfortable with yourself is probably the most important thing that you can do while you are here.  This isn’t going to be something you can figure out after you are gone. It takes a lot of hard work towards self-realization (to have freedom from external influence, from cultural expectations, political and economic opinions, and the freedom from worldly attachments and desires, etc.), and the acceptance that you and you alone are what makes you…quite simply…YOU. Your “skin” is what makes you perfect…perfectly imperfect, perhaps, beautifully broken.

You must know and be comfortable with no one else better than you.

Text of a Toastmasters Speech presented in September 2015

What is Toastmasters and Why You May Care

As I am closing in on accomplishing the Toastmasters International Competent Communicator award towards the final quarter of 2015, I thought now was a good time to reflect on what a great organization I have found Toastmasters to be in the past year that I have been a member. The Competent Communicator award is earned after giving and being evaluated on 10 speeches that requires the speaker to apply different speaking techniques to pretty much the topic of their choice.

If you are unaware, Toastmasters International is an organization that provides a supportive, safe, and positive environment to help hone public speaking and leadership skills. Simply put, if you would like to become comfortable speaking in front of people and leading and coordinating people, meetings, and discussions, Toastmasters is the perfect organization to start with. Members of Toastmasters arrive from various backgrounds, professions, and skill level and have various reasons for joining and contributing to their growth as communicators and leaders. Some Toastmasters arrive very shy and nervous to speak in front people; Others arrive not being overly comfortable with the primary language of their local Toastmasters club or workplace (ie. English is a second language); others have tried to learn public speaking and leadership skills by trial-and-error; others realize that it is required to be comfortable speaking to and leading groups of people to enhance their career potential. If you fall into any of these categories, I would highly recommend that you consider visiting local Toastmasters clubs in your area. There is no obligation to join Toastmasters or give a speech or talk spontaneously in front of the group as soon as you walk in the door. You can, if you prefer, just sit in the last row of the room and be a fly-on-the-wall to observe those improving their communication and leadership skills until you are ready to commit to improving yourself. It takes some time to begin feeling comfortable at a Toastmasters meeting, but once you find that this is where you can grow with a safety net you will be well on your way to improving your communication and leadership skills.

I came to Toastmasters because I knew there had to be an easier way to become a better public speaker rather than learning the hard(er) way. Although I have given many presentations in my professional career, in 2012 I forced myself to begin taking roles outside of my comfort zone that required me to perform in public, such as giving presentations to a local legal technology group, teaching, being a guest speaker on various podcasts and webcasts, and actually accepting a guest speaker role at health information summit. I knew that in order to take the next step in my career, be regarded as a subject matter expert or thought leader, and just to become a great communicator I had to “get out there”, engage, and contribute. This was the hard way to learn and not very conducive to improvement. After my multitude of public speaking engagements I never got any constructive feedback or criticism to help me improve and I really have a hard time believing that I was perfect each and every time I spoke. I had heard of Toastmasters in passing, but never really paid attention to them until one day I did, for whatever reason. I went to the Toastmasters International website, found a local club, and E-mailed the club representative to find out more. Shortly after that I attended my first couple of meetings as a guest to observe and eventually began contributing and finally became a member…a Toastmaster. I gave speeches, participated in Table Topics, introduced a Word of the Day, and told humorous stories to help me improve. I received wonderful feedback from those in the Toastmasters club I belong, which has helped me greatly in my communication and leadership skills.  I feel like I have improved as a communicator and have learned various techniques to make future speaking engagements and presentations I give less stressful and much more appealing to an audience compared to what I was doing before joining Toastmasters.

Toastmasters is probably one of the most accessible ways to improve yourself, whether you are required to be a speaker and leader at work, at social gatherings, at community gatherings, or want to pursue a profession as a public speaker.

Take some time to explore Toastmasters. Take a couple of hours out of your schedule over the next couple of weeks and visit a local Toastmasters club or two in your area. Here’s how to get started…

1. You can find a list of clubs that are local to you on the Toastmasters website at: http://www.toastmasters.org/Find-a-Club and inquire and/or show-up at the designated time at the meeting venue.
2. Find a co-worker or friend that is involved in Toastmasters and be their guest at the next meeting they attend.

Each club culture may be a little different depending on the member make-up of the club or time of day when the club meetings are held, so give a few different clubs a try and find one that is the best fit for you. Some clubs are located in downtown areas whereas others are located in the suburbs. Some club meetings are held before the workday, some during the lunch hour, and others in the evenings. For example, the Federal Building Club in Pittsburgh conducts its meetings on Odd-Numbered Thursdays at noon. Since I work in the city and the meeting time is during the lunch hour this club is very convenient for me to attend during the workday. (If you work in downtown Pittsburgh and are interested in learning more, please feel free to reach out to me (david.kearney@comcast.net) or any other Federal Building Club members to show you the club and how Toastmasters works.)

If you are looking for a way to drastically improve your communication skills in a supportive, safe, and positive environment, Toastmasters is where to get started. Take a peek into Toastmasters and see if there is something there that can help you become a better you.

For more information on Toastmasters International, please visit: http://www.toastmasters.org/

How to Think, Not What to Think

This text is from a Toastmasters speech that I gave on April 9, 2015.

How to Think, Not What to Think

Recently, a light bulb went on and I have been able to connect some dots that weren’t overly obvious to me before.

I am going to start this story by going back to my childhood. Growing up I was a normal kid…got dirty, climbed trees…fell out of trees, played with matchbox cars and legos, struggled through the change of life and those awkward years coming into adulthood. However, throughout my entire childhood through adolescence I was never made to feel like I had to do things to make my parents happy, extended family happy, to follow tradition, to fit in, to make straight A’s, to keep up with the Jones’…to be “normal”. My parents gave me advice, but never told me what to do (within reason of course), who to hang out with, what music to listen to, what college to go to…or that I even had to go to college, my beliefs on religion, my political views, that I had to like football (being born and raised in Pittsburgh, it’s almost a have-to), my thoughts on various lifestyles, the people I dated, the woman I married, to the house I bought, to the jobs I have had. Was this a hands-off approach? Did my parents really not care what I did? Since I have turned out fairly well-adjusted and fiercely independent, I have to believe that my parents did not think that everything they did or all of the beliefs or disbeliefs they had would be a natural fit for me…they saw me as a human…individual…a little person…not just a childlike creature. Did they have some influence? Sure. Did they tell me what to do? No. I always felt loved and cared for, but never smothered and always treated as a human. I do recall hearing the comment, “I can’t make that decision for you”, on many occasions.

I saw a quote a month or so ago that stated “Teach Your Children How to Think, Not What to Think”. It was one of these pictures…meme things, that had a nice picture of an adult and child with a sunset in the background. That resonated with me deeply… It resonated with me more so than it would have than if I didn’t have a child.

This is how I am approaching the way I am raising my son, which I never really thought much about…I was just doing what I did…what I knew how to do…more or less by instinct. I didn’t necessarily do this on purpose. My son gives me his opinion and I don’t immediately react or judge. Caleb tells me what he thinks about school, people, things we do together, his friends, and world events. I do not pre-judge, but only to give him different angles to look at what we are talking about, not the What to Think. This is the How to Think…I don’t push my way or my baggage on my son, because I may not be right…about anything. I can only give him different perspectives and allow him to think, stand, and be his own man.

Having reflected on the quote, how my son and I relate…I now fully see that my parents gave me enough information to know how to make decisions…Real. Life. Decisions. Not to worry about what other people thought…the strength to carry my head high and make the decision that is right For Me, especially during ridicule and uncertainty. 40+ years later, I am the man I am because I am self-reliant due to the ways that I was taught how to think…how to look at things from multiple perspectives, how to be open to anything that is outside of the way I live. I may not always be right…but I am always ME.

Putting this into the bigger picture, we can be creatures of habit and rely on the ways that have contributed to where we are now…so we just keep doing what we’ve always done, acting the way we have always acted, feeling the way we have always felt, and responding the way we have always responded…to situations, circumstances, events. From expectations that have been put upon us as a child to where we find ourselves today. But, chances are that the way you have always thought of the world probably won’t be the Game-Changer that gets you to your next self.

The realization that it is up to you and you alone to use what is in you…not based on what someone else wants you to do, thinks you should do, has told you to do, or wants to persuade you to do. Unfortunately, there is much of that…too much of that. Ways that we become influenced.

As a starting point, allow yourself to just be, to just be you, to just do nothing when your habits tell you to do something. To do the opposite of what you always do. Feel how that feels and that more often than not, there is a better way to think compared to what you have always thought. Do this a couple of times…at first it will be very uncomfortable. When someone says something that gets you emotionally charged, let it go. When someone says “I need you now” (maybe a child, a spouse, a co-worker)…don’t be so quick to jump into gear, jump through hoops, fly off the handle, or be Johnny/Jane-On-The-Spot. We all have these things that we automatically do sometimes that we really need to reflect on and weigh in on whether it is necessary to do. The how to think about this situation…not what to think. For example, my son will talk-back to my wife and I on occasion. I pull back and try to understand why Caleb may have said what he said the way he said it. If the topic warrants, I talk him through what he said so I can understand his perspective. Just because he spoke back…this doesn’t automatically make him wrong. And I have to remember that he is 7 and that he doesn’t mean what he says translated into adult language. This also teaches me how to think…how to think as Caleb. This puts a much different texture on how we are relating to each other.

You know you better than anyone else…not your mom, you dad, your spouse, your doctor, your spiritual advisor, your mentor, your coach, you name them. It is you that you need to learn to be a home with, at peace with, in love with, sometimes at war with, to rely on…to be patient with.

Popular thought does not equal truth…search for how to think…not what to think…what’s right for you.

Don’t Live in the Town of Indifference

This was a Toastmasters speech that I gave on February 19, 2015.

Don’t Live in the Town of Indifference

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” Indifference signifies a lack of emotion, caring, and interest. You can examine to Love, Hate and the opposite emotion of indifference and realize that to live in Indifference, you have no way to change, no road to get you moving to the next town, to the next state, to a higher place.

Let’s talk about living elsewhere, the place of hate or the place of love.

If we are to speak of love, we must also consider hate. Love is easy, digestible, and something everyone romanticizes about. Hate is dark, disturbing, and misunderstood…and something that folks generally steer away from.

Some things have happened over the past few months…I have traveled by running, cycling, with a little bit of walking over 600 miles. I have lost some weight, and brought my blood pressure and cholesterol down a bit. I still have a way to go, but I will get there. My typical time to wake in the morning is 4:30 AM. Don’t get me wrong, I love to feel rested, but going to bed at 10 and getting up at 4:30 doesn’t give me that rested feeling. Most folks feel awful getting up more or less in the middle of the night. It just isn’t natural.

I was on the treadmill one morning around 5:30 and on an intense run. I thought what got me here…every day for the past couple of months…to run like there was no tomorrow. Was I insane? What was I running from? To? Was I motivated by my health issues? The BMI chart has my categorized as obese. Was I inspired by an upheaval to my home life? What inspired me, motivated me, and made me intensely run on a treadmill for up-to 95 minutes? Running on a treadmill, although physical, is a mental game too, especially for that duration. I gotta say…it really boiled down to hate. I want to discuss the passion and emotion I believe I felt…and it certainly wasn’t love. The hate for how I felt physically, mentally, and emotionally. I hated certain situations, circumstances. I will circle back to love momentarily…so bear with me.

I have been examining, specifically hate, for the last 6 months or so and I have come to find that it has been one of the visceral fires that has burned to keep me moving forward…not only recently, but for a good part of my life when I was jumping very high hurdles or attempting to. Is it that I have a Type-A personality? Is it that I am a workaholic? Is it that I am an obsessive compulsive? I have analyzed it and I know that when moving forward is something that I need to do I can do it with this emotion.

Hate in this context isn’t about a feeling toward other human beings; it is about having such strong feelings about moving yourself to get beyond where you are right now. Hate as found in the dictionary or even generally on the Internet is really a strong dislike of something…with more intense definitions here and there, but the definition I like the most is the one by Aristotle. Aristotle viewed hate as a desire for the annihilation of an object that is incurable by time. Time in and of itself was not going to get me in shape. Time in and of itself will not give anyone an education, professional accolades, and better home life, more money, a better job, etc. It would be nice if positive thinking, personal coaching, and self-improvement programs would fix everyone’s feeling of insecurity, desperation, and a deep desire to change, but sometimes for some people there needs to be a complete disgust for where they are at in order to change.

I was actually so intrigued by my feelings that I did a little bit of studying on the Neuroscience of Hatred. Yes…I actually did read some papers on the Neuroscience of Hatred and they, in fact, do exist and it is a thing. Love, passionate love, is so closely related to hate that there is a very small difference between how our brain reacts to either passion. One difference that was discovered by Neurobiologist Semir Zeki, of University College London’s Laboratory of Neurobiology…he states that judgment and reasoning are de-activated in large areas of the brain during love…so we become less than intelligent and rational, whereas only small areas are de-activated in hate. This tells me that there might be a more reasoned approach to moving forward if a situation is hated.

This information about hate is not to push aside love, but meant to convey that there is a place and time for both love and hate. Love for your friends, family, and significant other, love for your audience…the love of life, the green grass, the blue sky. And, although love can decrease our judgment and reasoning, love is patient and kind…even for the lack of and maybe due to this lack of judgment and reasoning.

With love or hate we can accomplish many things; we can begin to love the idea of changing our current state or hate the idea of staying where we are, but having either strong emotion focused on the same end result can move anyone to a better place. The line between Love and Hate is a fine one.

I was talking about this concept to some other folks. One couple, I believe, was a little shocked or offended that I would even utter the word hate as a positive tool. “Oh My…He Said the Word Hate” and mentioned to my wife that I have a hate problem. My wife wasn’t a big fan of the discussion either…to say the least. I was recently accused of coming across to others as too passionate. I think I am passionate at both…love and hate. Is that wrong? Co-workers mentioned I just might be on to something. My doctor, after seeing my exercise log and me talking with him said that I was able to constructively use my frustration, which not many people are able to do, and that I was more in-touch with my feelings than most people. Perhaps to the wrong people I might be taken out of context, but taking advantage of strong emotion to propel yourself forward and out of what you are in is the solution that can sustain you.

Living in the town of indifference is where no man should spend his day… that is unless you are indifferent to what’s for dinner; spaghetti or angel hair, soda or seltzer, bread or rolls.

What’s in you, can move you.

Stress Steals

Some things in our lives have limits…there a speed limit that keeps us safe and if we over do it we place lives at risk, an income that limits our spending ability (regardless of how much you make) that could impact a quality of life if the spend exceeds the income, and limits on how much stuff we can accumulate within our walls.
One of the things that people, me, you, out there tend to ignore is the amount of stress we endure without putting a limit on the amount of stress we will absorb and manage.

Stress Strips us of Serenity
All of us handle stress on a daily basis, whether it is the grueling commute where we are competing with the other spinning wheels on the road, jammed packed into a bus like sardines, or if we are so fortunate to live within walking distance to our job, there is still stress of people and traffic to engage. Walk/Don’t Walk, the weave through others frantically trying to get away from work…to anywhere better. Stress like this is the everyday stress…pressure that we have learned to tolerate and accept and even become numb to. Like the prick of a needle when getting a shot…we hear “just a little pinch” and it’s over. I get monthly allergy shots and although I should be able to deal with it better, I still cringe like I’m going to be hit with a bat. We’ll imagine getting 100 shots in a day. Just thinking about the sound of getting your teeth cleaned and hear the scraping, and for some us…the stress of public speaking or death…whichever you prefer over the other.

Stress Steals our Serenity
As stress levels increase, we are sometimes unaware that we are banging against our own stress ceiling…but our minds and actions compensate for the increase in stress levels. If short-term stress is of impact, we tend to manage the spike in stress just fine and before we know it, we’re back to normal. Things like work deadlines, the holiday season, exams, and other similar stressors can actually help us accomplish goals…it keeps our focus on the prize. A good night sleep, some downtime/relaxation, and doing enjoyable things can usually remedy stress symptoms.

Stress Swipes our Serenity
Stress that is constant can wreak havoc on our lives without us noticing it at first. Some of us become martyrs when dealing with issues and become stoic…that is until it all catches up. Some of us fall apart sooner than others, but stress catches up. Then all of a sudden we don’t recognize ourselves anymore. People cannot endure constant stress without an impact. Some people try to de-stress by self-medicating, drinking, using sleep aids, over eating, smoking, and/or turn into constantly cranky. Our health is eventually impacted over the long term by the self-medication and being constantly cranky…due to the loss of self-control that stress brings.

Some alarming statistics about stress… Stress…
Increases the risk of heart disease by 40%
Increases the risk of heart attack by 25%
Increases the risk of stroke by 50%
Each person typically knows what can heal the symptoms of their stress beyond the “bad stuff”, I previously mentioned, but this bad stuff is usually more convenient, more accessible, and easier to incorporate into your life. We need to adopt a more positive and less harmful approach. Each person is unique, so our stress solutions are unique. The goal is to become you again.

Simple Solutions for Stress:
1. Stop. Find time to stop or step away from the craziness. Even if you have to hard stop the stress.
2. Schedule. If you see stressors coming, prepare by scheduling time outs during the craziness. Don’t be hero. Take care of yourself along the way.
3. Self Control. No control equals no control. If you do not have control over your stressors, your stressors will control you. You will have no control over self-medicating, over eating, being mean if you are not in control. Stress is partially about not being in control.

Not all stress is bad, if it is in moderation.

Stress affects everyone a little differently and at different times. Keep this in the back of your head as you leave here today. Don’t let anyone guilt you in to feeling bad or making your stress sound trivial compared to theirs. De-stress and be the person you are…not the stress that is trying to control you.
Wouldn’t you agree?   …Stress Needs to be Significantly Slashed

The text of a Toastmaster speech I gave on January 15, 2015.

Law Firm Outsourcing of eDiscovery

Listen to Karl Schieneman, Founder and President of Review Less, a predictive coding consultancy and document review company talk with Dave Kearney from Cohen and Grigsby and Nick Reizen from Xact Data Discovery about how law firms view outsourcing eDiscovery tasks like collection, processing, hosting and reviewing data to technology oriented vendors. It is definitely a growth trend and there are lots of views on this topic depending on which lawyer you talk to. Some firms want to own the EDRM model. Others want to outsource. And others consider eDiscovery a distraction to the practice of law so they ignore it.

Recorded 04/16/2014

This podcast was first published at ESIBytes and is available here with permission.  For more information about ESIBytes, visit their website at http://www.esibytes.com and visit ESIBytes’ Podcasts  at http://esibytes.com/category/blog/category-4/

Podcast Audio:  https://app.box.com/s/wo1rmrheo4065vnsv53u